My Breastfeeding Journey

This month, we gave Baby B a taste of what I like to call "real food." And boy does he love it! First, it was mashed peas, then squash, then avocado, cauliflower, and carrots.  I wasn't surprised when he started grabbing the spoon and trying to feed himself!  He's been holding his own bottle since four months. Up until this month, Baby B has been eating exclusively breast milk, mostly through breastfeeding. It's an endeavor we embarked upon from day one, just minutes after he was born, and it has been quite a journey.

I will start by saying, I am lucky.  I'm lucky my baby latched just minutes after birth, and hasn't had any of the issues so many other babies had to deal with just to be able to eat.  I'm lucky that my milk supply has been able to accommodate him without having to supplement with formula. I'm lucky he never had reflux or lactose allergies. I'm lucky to live in a state that protects breastfeeding mothers and to have such a supportive environment around me.  These are just some of the obstacles mothers face every day to simply feed their babies.  Until now, I never realized, empathized, or appreciated the commitment and persistence it takes.  Now I know for every breastfeeding mom, there are ups and downs, there's joy and there are tears, there is a love for one's body that is just as powerful as the hate for it the very next day.

A week after we came home from the hospital, the milk came in.  For those who may be unfamiliar, it's kind of a supply and demand system.  Well, my baby demanded... a lot.  During the course of one night it seemed every 20 minutes he was hungry. I was exhausted. I was in pain. I remember laying in bed, sleep-deprived and practically delirious, telling my husband I didn't think I could do it. I couldn't go through life feeding a baby every half hour.  Fortunately, my mom was visiting to help, and reminded me that there was light at the end of the tunnel.  Like everything with a baby, it didn't last forever.  And looking back, it was the blink of an eye.

After that, the next three months were easy.  Every 2-3 hours he ate.  If we were out, I'd drape a "peanut shell" cover over him and find a comfortable spot to nurse.   It didn't take long, it was never difficult, and we were a little nursing team.  Then I went back to work.

For the past three months, I have fed baby in the morning before work at 6am, pump at work at 9am, go home and feed him during lunch at noon, pump at work at 3pm and feed him after coming home around 6, and again right before bedtime if he's still hungry. Feed, pump, feed pump. I read an article recently about being "frenemies" with a breast pump, and completely understand why. Sometimes I feel like I spend half the day attached to a machine.  

Throughout the work-week, my supply diminishes.  Then, it builds up again during the weekend when I put the pump and stress aside.  There are days I try to nurse during lunch but my mind is still on meetings, holding a fussy baby that just wants a bottle.  There are distractions that take baby's attention away, or schedules that don't quite coincide, and I find myself spending even more time with the pump. These are the days I don't feel like such a team. I started taking Fenugreek, an herbal supplement to help boost my supply.  Some weekends I have to pump after nursing to make enough to feed him the next Monday.  Feed, pump, feed pump.  These are the days I have to remind myself, I am lucky.    

But without fail, every night around 2 or 3am, I hear a little cry.  I walk into the nursery, pick up baby and we sit in the rocking chair. He looks up and touches my face as he eats. It's quiet, it's dark, and in that moment I'm all he needs. I soak it in and record it in my memory. Because like everything with a baby, it won't last forever.

At 6 months, Baby B likes... crawling, pulling himself to a standing position, climbing on mommy and daddy, swimming, his blanket, his pacifier, all food especially peas, squash and cauliflower, and babbling.

Baby B dislikes... sleeping, buckles, being on his back, and when mommy leaves the room.

Teething

There's a reason no one remembers being a baby.  It's hard. It's confusing. And, it seems pretty painful and frustrating a lot of the time.  Imagine having to shriek every time you go to the bathroom simply so you won't have to sit in your own filth, or twisting and turning to get to sleep because your muscles aren't quite strong enough to get you positioned comfortably. Or worse yet- growing teeth.

 

Having gone through labor without an epidural, I can honestly say I know my pain threshold pretty well. That being said, I still hate the dentist and believe that any teeth-related pain I've had is up there with the worst pain ever.  I'm so glad I don't remember actually growing them.  Baby B is now 5 months old, and he's embarking on that wonderful journey.  At first, it was hard to tell if his occasional increased fussiness was caused by teething. Soon we started to see some clear signs.  

Increased Drooling:

Biting toys:

 

Biting... pretty much anything:

At 5 months old, Baby B likes: biting things, blankets, Max, drumming, eating, and bath time.

He dislikes: sleeping, sitting still, dirty diapers and being buckled in.

Even though teething has been rough at times, he still usually looks like this :)

Where Babies Don't Belong

Drew and I are fortunate to live in a very family-friendly town.  You can count on every restaurant to have a high chair and usually outdoor seating.  The parks are clean and on every corner.  Usually my baby is in an accommodating environment that makes me look like a parenting pro.  Sometimes, however, you can't help but bring a baby where they really don't belong.  We had a few experiences with this throughout Month 4. Some of which I handled gracefully, others... well... turned out kinda poopy.

The Airplane

You don't know judgment until you step into an airport terminal holding a baby.  As I watched countless faces turn to despair and dread, I couldn't help but feel a bit put off.  I held Baby B in the ergo carrier, ready for a red eye flight, and he was nothing short of adorable.  In fact, he stayed that way the whole ride to Florida for our friend's wedding.  We scheduled the red eye to save time and crossed our fingers he'd sleep the whole way.  I should've crossed both hands because while he slept in my arms peacefully the entire duration, I sat stationary and wide-eyed, unable to move lest I wake my sleeping angel.  For those of you who may not have flown in awhile, let me warn you they are making newer planes progressively more uncomfortable. By the time we arrived I felt like a Picasso painting.  It took several hours for everything to move back into place.

The Cathedral

The wedding venue was beautiful. Stain glass windows, 20-foot ceilings, sleek wooden pews, and the echoes- you could hear a pin drop in that place a mile away. I bet a baby's cry would resonate for days.  I carried Baby B in his suit, and sat down to see the bride come down the aisle.  It was to be a traditional Catholic service. We watched Drew and the rest of the groomsmen take their places along with the groom, listened to the music begin and enjoyed the processional.  Being a former bride myself, I knew exactly what to do the second the priest started speaking.  We snuck out the back.  I wasn't going to distract everyone with fidgeting and fussiness during an hour-long service.  We played on the steps of the cathedral until just before the bride and groom were announced.  We saw the best parts.  Afterwards when guests complimented my baby for being so remarkably well-behaved, I smiled and nodded.  Parenting win.

The Store

My son is not a fan of shopping.  We've had a few excursions end abruptly for one reason or another, but a particular trip to Target had me literally out of  breath either from embarrassment, stress or laughter. I can't decide.

It was nap time and he usually falls asleep in the car so I thought my plan of leaving during his nap and having him sleep through all of my errands was fool-proof.  Except that when we arrived at the store he was still wide awake.  We made it through several aisles before he got fussy and wanted to be held, leaving me with a baby in one hand and cart in the other, awkwardly pushing it slowly toward the register.  When he calmed down I put him in his carrier and that's when I heard it.  "gurgle." The familiar sound of a full diaper.  I figured I was on my way out, I could change him in the trunk of my car (which he prefers over the fold-down changers in store bathrooms for some reason) and we'd be on our way.  As soon as he was laying down and I lifted up his onesie I saw we had the most major blowout I've ever seen.  POOP EVERYWHERE.  I pulled out two wipes and realized they were my last ones.  Using every scrap of wipe, I'm cleaning poop off my baby, my car, his changing mat, etc.  Only having two hands, I tossed the soiled onesie onto the roof for a moment while I put on baby's diaper.  But a moment was all it took.

A gust of wind took the onesie, with all of that poop, and it blew away into a nearby parking spot.  There I am holding a naked baby in the trunk of my car staring in shock at a poop-covered garment completely out of reach.  I diapered the baby, picked him up and went after the onesie.  After I retrieved it and threw it in a plastic bag I still had to dress the baby, buckle him in, load all the merchandise, and pray he'd finally take that nap.

At 4 months, Baby B is 16lbs 5oz, 25.5 inches tall.  He's in the 75th percentile and has hit all the major milestones including rolling over both ways, standing and sitting with some assistance, giggling, grabbing his hands and feet, and blowing raspberries.

Baby B likes: tummy time, music class, pooping, eating, meeting new friends and family members, and traveling.

Baby B dislikes: sleeping, mittens, and the garbage disposal.