Happy Holidays!

We hope everyone had a wonderful holiday this year! We are so excited for what the new year will bring with just six weeks until our due date.  Until then, we're enjoying our time together and gearing up for the little one... literally.  Baby boy received so many generous gifts this Christmas!  With a new car seat, stroller, and a collection of adorable clothes, we are almost ready to bring him home, although I'm pretty sure Drew's new least-favorite phrase is "some assembly required."  He spent half a day putting together a 3,000-piece dresser from Ikea (because you can't be a dad until you can follow instructions in Swedish) and we still have a few more items that will require some nuts and bolts before they can be deemed safe to hold, carry or entertain our infant.

Baby boy is anxious to stretch his legs, but I think he's going to give us the time we need to get ready for him to arrive.

The Ring of Fire

Drew and I have been attending a class for new parents with our midwife practice, and this week's session was eye-opening to say the least.  Actually, I may have preferred closing my eyes.  This week we discussed the stages of labor, complete with videos. 

Watching each stage of labor including the grand finale, I was also struck by how long the whole process takes.  Drew and I will most likely be at home during early labor when contractions begin, managing the pain using techniques we learned in class until we can be admitted to the hospital.  That stage can take anywhere from 6 to 12 hours.  It sounds mind-bogglingly long, but we have a plan.

To pass the time, we will be watching The Hobbit, which I hear runs about 6 to 12 hours depending on your sound system and the megapixels in your TV.  If early labor exceeds the average or The Hobbit turns out to be shorter than expected (only a slight chance when Peter Jackson's involved) we'll just turn it into a marathon, relieving the stress and pain with quotes like:

I figure this approach will not only provide much-needed distraction, but also motivation.  If a tiny hobbit can make it to Mordor, I can get through labor.

Heartburn and a Head of Hair

I officially have 8 months of pregnancy under my very tight belt, and so far I think I've been very lucky with regard to symptoms.  The level of discomfort since my first trimester has been minimal, minus one thing:  heartburn.

I'd never had heartburn before pregnancy, but now it is non-stop.  Every moment I'm not eating, my throat is burning, regardless of what I eat or drink.  Finally this week, I decided to try something to make it stop.

A member of our parenting class mentioned her friend had tried a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar and that did the trick.  So when I saw a bottle of apple cider vinegar in the grocery store a few days later, I bought it.  How bad could it be?  Vinegar's not terrible and I love apple cider.  Without any research, second opinion or second thought, I poured the vinegar into a teaspoon and swallowed.  

What I felt during the next 15 seconds is nearly indescribable.  I'm pretty sure what I really drank was a mislabeled bottle of gasoline or molten lava because my stomach caught on fire immediately.  My eyes watered as I yelled to Drew, "This was a mistake!" and ran to the bathroom.  Technically, I guess it worked because I wasn't bothered so much by the heartburn anymore.  I later researched the home remedy and it turns out, you're supposed to dilute the vinegar.  Lesson learned.

When it comes to pregnancy, there seems to be an old wives tale about everything,  so of course having heartburn has significant meaning.  People say that it means your baby will have a full head of hair! This common assumption may actually have more meaning than others, after a few studies have proven strong correlations.

The good news- my baby will probably be born with a thick head of dark-brown hair.

The bad news- it might stick straight up.  Like mine did:

We're going to need plenty of hats.

6 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

During the past 31 weeks, I've gained a new perspective on pregnancy, society's expectations and treatment of expectant mothers, and so much more.  I never anticipated the things I would learn about my own body and what I'm capable of, or the simple things I used to take for granted or ignore.  Now, when I go places, things like proximity to a restroom and comfortable seating have to be taken into account.  Simple gestures like opening a door for me or offering a chair are doubly appreciated.  Many people, even strangers, are quick to offer help or a quick congratulations.  Some are less sensitive.  Hence, the following list I've compiled of statements people have actually said to me.  Yes, to my face.  

The Top 6 Things You Shouldn't Say to Pregnant People:

6. "Wow! You're huge!" To which I will respond in kind with an enthusiastic and cheerful, "Thanks! You too!" After all, it would be rude not to reciprocate.

5. "You should probably lay off the beer." The first time I heard this joke was from a random hot dog vendor at a hockey game.  And yes, I've heard it multiple times.

4. "We should have cast you as Santa!" This festive little gem also came from a complete stranger.  Hilarious.

3. "How is she today?" Usually said as an aside to someone else in the room while I am pretty sure I'm in an obvious conscious state with the ability to hear and see the environment around me, this reference to hormonal moodiness only makes me feel like I'm some sort of dementia patient. 

2. "You'll never sleep again." Perhaps the most common and discouraging feedback I receive. Believe it or not, our decision to have a child was very premeditated. I'm familiar with the habits of babies. Besides, isn't not sleeping how we got into this situation? I'm confident the joys of parenthood will outweigh the dark circles under my eyes.

1. "Sorry, we're all out." Let's face it, these are words no one ever wants to hear.  Whether it's your favorite latte flavor, movie tickets, or tables at a restaurant.  For some reason I think when you're pregnant they come with an extra-heavy dose of disappointment.  If you refrain from using any of the above phrases, make it this one.

Over the past couple of months I've also acquired a few new nicknames.  Some of the highlights include Prego, Preggo-Eggo, Tons-of-Fun, Mama, and my personal favorite, "Lil' Mama," because it makes me feel like this girl:

Though some of these comments and nicknames may sound offensive or hurtful, don't start wasting any sympathy on me. Five years in broadcast journalism gave me a very thick skin.  I've been called much worse, and I am positive that all of the above were said out of love and support for someone they know is snarky enough to laugh it off and post it on a blog afterwards.  Tons-of-Fun?  It made me laugh the hardest.  :)