Getting Bigger

Baby Bautista is about the size of an avocado now, and though I only put on about 4lbs during the first trimester, I should start gaining a pound a week.  The hardest part will be resisting the urge to gain that weight in ice cream and cookies.

I started noticing a tighter waistband a couple of weeks ago, and I just figured my pants were shrinking and there must be something wrong with our dryer.  Eventually I admitted it probably wasn't an appliance issue, and adjusted my wardrobe accordingly.  However, I was surprised at my own reaction to my perfectly understandable changing shape.  I don't know if it's an engrained pressure from society or my own insecurity, or the years I spent on television, or just the fact that I've always pretty much stayed the same and have been lucky enough to never struggle with my weight.  Whatever the reason, the first day I failed at buttoning my pants, I told Drew I felt like a manatee.  Cue the waterworks.

I found myself digging through my closet for clothes that covered the fact that I was changing.  I've been wearing higher waistlines, looser shirts, and staring at the box of maternity wear that doesn't yet fit quite right. Too big to be comfortable in normal clothes, and too small for belly bands and pregnancy tops, for the past few weeks I sported outfits and an expression that said, "Please don't think I'm getting fat.  I'm just pregnant."

It's upsetting to me that thought even crossed my mind, but I know there are probably multiple reasons for this gut feeling about my growing gut, and I'm probably not alone.  The fact I have to remember is this: I'm going to get a whole lot bigger... but my big belly means a healthy baby.  And that, is beautiful.

Here I am with a small but proud bump today, at 16 weeks: